So, to clarify, I’m not depressed. Not really. It’s just that, well, I guess I’ve lost my mojo. We’re Empty Nesters now. It’s quiet around the house. More quiet than usual, since CoVid hit. The interesting thing about being Empty Nesters, is that really, I sorta prefer the quiet, but I still long for baby kisses. I want family around, but I don’t want the mess they leave or the headache from the chaos they bring with their little brood. It’s a quandry.
My husband happily works long hours on the computer, up in his loft, tweaking his classes, I suppose – I know he’s not up there looking at porn, or playing Tetris, but he does seem to have an obsession with Pinterest. (My fault, I wanted him to be able to collect things, without actually having to store them in our house, Voila! the cloud to the rescue!). Meanwhile I’m downstairs wandering around doing nothing. I don’t feel like baking, or crafting. It’s Sunday, so I won’t be going to the gym or the pool. I finished my book (actually, this is a constant problem, I read voraciously and so am always looking for a new book), I’m caught up on CEU’s and laundry, and I’m melancholy enough that I don’t really feel like talking on the phone. So what’s a girl to do?
I remember the good ‘ole days, like before March 2020, when Church lasted 3 hours, and then we’d come home and take a nap. Then we’d get up, feeling rather guilty about wasting our day, and rush around getting laundry done and dinner prepared. Not any more! Since I only work 4 days a week now, I get almost ALL of my chores done on Friday, and anything left over is easily done on Saturday, which leaves me here, sitting in a corner of my room, wondering what to do with myself.
One of the problems with suffering from melancholy, is that you’re not any fun for others to be around either. I found a psychiatry site on-line, with ideas on things to do when you’re depressed – hahaha, yep, those are things that I generally do on a regular basis, but can’t seem to find joy in them today. (https://advancedpsychiatryassociates.com/resources/blog/solo-activities-for-depression/). So I wander around the house, check Facebook a million times, pick up a random piece of laundry, and wonder what to do with myself.
I wonder, will I still feel like this tomorrow? Luckily, I’ll be distracted by waking up at 5am to go swim, and then by work and other people’s problems. C’est la vie.